D.C.’s new dating question: Do we freeze embryos

No longer are couples just having the DTR talk (“define the relationship”) — now many also want to DTFE: “decide to freeze embryos.”

Why it matters: As awareness and conversation around fertility preservation increase — in part spurred by Covid — more people are rethinking the way they approach having kids.

State of play: Area doctors say they’ve seen more 30-somethings delaying parenthood and seeking to preserve their eggs or embryos.

• For those dating, the question of whether someone wants to freeze their eggs solo or freeze embryos with another person is sparking conversations about the future and commitment, sometimes earlier than expected.

What they’re saying: “[These types of conversations] are such a unique thing” to this current period, says Lillian Farnham, who is 34 and lives in D.C. She was considering whether to freeze embryos with someone she recently started seeing, but decided to freeze eggs instead.

• A hot topic among Farnham’s single friends who’ve already frozen eggs: How soon to spill the beans about your eggs on ice to someone you’re dating?
• “Is that crazy town to start telling people that a few dates in?” Farnham says her friends wonder.

The big picture: Americans are waiting longer to get married and have children — and a growing share of adults say they’re unlikely to have any at all.

• The average age of a first-time mother in D.C. last year was 30.8, per CDC data. In 2000, it was 25.7.
• Areas like D.C. with higher income and education levels tend to correlate with higher average maternal age in part because some people purposely delay parenthood to focus on careers, education, or finances.

Plus: More companies are offering fertility benefits that help cover these procedures.

Zoom in: D.C. reproductive endocrinologist Xiaohong Liu tells Axios she sees patients nearly every week who are deciding between freezing eggs or embryos.

• Age is a big factor — the younger someone is, the greater their odds of their frozen eggs or embryos leading to a successful pregnancy, adding a time crunch to this decision.

Between the lines: Freezing embryos can have a greater likelihood of a successful birth, compared to freezing eggs. That’s because the process requires fertilization, and the eggs have progressed further through the reproductive stages.

• “It just gives us a little bit more information, more assurance, when an embryo is potentially banked versus eggs,” says Liu.

Local reproductive endocrinologist Olivia Carpinello wants her patients to be judicious about deciding whether to use a partner’s sperm to freeze embryos.

• You’re creating something that’s half of both of you, Carpinello says. “[If there’s] any uncertainty in the relationship — do not make embryos.”

D.C. resident Amanda Anderson opted to preserve her fertility at age 35 after delaying parenthood to prioritize travel, hobbies, and working. Because she wasn’t married to her partner, she decided to freeze both eggs and embryos, and her partner froze his own genetic material separately, too.

• “[Doing both] allowed me to control my own future children in the event I end up separated from my partner, remarried, or widowed,” she says. “I had nothing to lose because I was committing to my partner, but also committing to myself.”

Still, making the decision to freeze embryos felt like a significant step in their relationship, Anderson says.

• “Our future together seems much more certain now.”

Reality check: The amount of children born from these procedures is still quite small: About 2% of U.S. babies born in 2021 were from assisted reproduction technologies like IVF (which uses frozen embryos), per CDC data.

• However, that percentage jumped to 5.8% when just focusing on D.C. — the highest compared to all the states listed.

The intrigue: Frozen embryos are increasingly playing a role in divorces, D.C.-area lawyers tell Axios.

• While clinics will typically have clients sign contracts designating what to do with their embryos should they separate or someone dies, the issue can still escalate into a court battle, with couples arguing over rights to the embryo.
• DMV lawyer Maria Simon now asks prospective clients up front if they have any frozen embryos, and includes language in her prenups about what to do with them.

In one case, a couple signed a contract at their clinic stating they’d dispose of their embryos if they separated, and now they’re getting divorced, DMV lawyer Cheryl New tells Axios.

• The woman wants to use them because she has no additional eggs to freeze herself, but she doesn’t want to take the issue to court.

“[This] raises lots of new issues here,” says New. “We thought pet custody was difficult. That’s nothing.”

What we’re watching: A February Alabama Supreme Court ruling found that frozen embryos created through IVF are considered children and that clinics can be held legally liable for discarding them — a state-level decision that could impact other state rulings in similar cases.