Mother’s Day is a dreaded day on the calendar for anyone struggling with infertility. It is a day that is unavoidable due to the commercials and not so gentle reminders by companies who put the pressure on loved ones to “remember your mom.” And let’s not forget the “Mother’s Day is May 9th,” signs all over retail stores that serve as a punch in the gut every time you read them.
And it hurts. It hurts so deeply.
Mother’s Day is a glaring reminder.
I’m not a mom.
I have infertility.
I can’t get pregnant.
I was pregnant, but lost the pregnancy.
The day represents shattered dreams.
Lost hope.
Despair.
The reality is, Mother’s Day is going to happen…
Maybe you have experienced one sad Mother’s Day after another. So, make this one different. Some key changes can transform your view of Mother’s Day and your infertility journey.
First, infertility is not your fault. That statement is worth repeating. Infertility is NOT your fault. Hear that loud and clear today. Infertility is a medical condition.
It seems that infertility and shame are best friends and when the two get together, the voices wreak havoc on the sense of self. Those shame voices make women feel less than, broken, incomplete.
So in the spirit of making this Mother’s Day different, silence those voices of shame. When shame triggers hit you, don’t shrink from them. Instead, arm yourself with this statement. “Infertility is not my fault. It is a medical condition.” This reframe in your mindset is powerful and will equip you to combat feelings of shame.
Next, you are not alone. The sisterhood of infertility is not one any woman chooses to be a part of but since you are now a member of the dreaded club of infertility, link arms with fellow women. Send another woman in the club a card, flowers, or a kind text to let them know you are thinking about them. Support your fellow sisters!
Third, stay off social media. Do yourself a huge favor and take a social media break.
Fourth, honor your feelings and your journey. Say your peace, express your anger, cry your eyes out but set a limit. Then, change the focus and take incredible care of you. Spoil yourself rotten!
Last, prepare yourself mentally and emotionally in the days leading up to Mother’s Day. Refuel and generate emotional/mental/physical reserves for that day. Create a plan and choose to cope in healthy ways.
You can do this.
And perhaps, just maybe, you will sit back at the end of the day you dreaded so much and realize a life changing truth. You are a warrior.
